Tears of a Clown
by Rayne-Jelly
Summary: There really is no summary, the name says it all, it's a Kitsune POV... I should probably delete this one too.


Authors note: All right, hi again, it's yet another POV.  Just to let you know, I just randomly started writing one day, mostly it's _my POV (except for the whole sex life thing T_T), but I had to apply it to a character, so I did.  Now it's a Kitsune (from Love Hina) POV, but because I didn't decide on my 'clown' until after I wrote this, this ficlet is very ambiguous, so you're welcome to use your imaginations…. Now keep in mind, this is a little cliché, and it's very - __very short, but if you would be willing to give me ideas in your reviews (oh, this is the part where I beg you to R&R), I would be happy to continue it.  _

Disclaimers: I don't own Love Hina, and I don't own Tears of a Clown (the old 70's song by Smokey Robinson) I'm just using it (Love Hina) for a character name, and (Tears of a Clown: the Smokey Robinson song) as the title of my fic… don't sue me, it wouldn't be worth it, and you don't have legal grounds anyway given I don't use any names or instances from Love Hina.  

ON TO THE FIC~!

~Tears of a Clown~

I'm the smiler.  Heh, is smiler even a word?  I guess not, but for all intents and purposes: it will be.  In case you're bad at root words: I smile a lot, I'm the one who'll laugh at a funeral just to lighten the mood; I flirt with everyone and everything, I parade my extensive knowledge of the most twisted subjects just for the shock value, etc. I'm sure you all know the type, there's one of me in every clique across the world.   

            Maybe you've never taken the time to notice, or maybe you have, that smilers are chronically lonely.  But that's okay, because we're also damned good actors.  We love our friends, and we act like we love our friends, but maybe it's better to be with our buddies from afar.  We're a jealous lot smilers, we watch our friends fall in and out of relationships, and we just want to kill them all because we can't stand the fact that they can have that bond, and we can't.  Heh heh, that's we as in the royal we, I don't have multiple personalities. Don't get me wrong, I've had plenty of trysts in my day, but there's a difference between a decent sex life and a good relationship with a person.  Person as opposed to body, please make the distinction. 

            I love nothing more, than sitting alone in my bedroom, reading a book, or just staring at the ceiling and watching the moths flit about my ceiling light…. Moths are really pretty when you think about it, if you ever get close enough to see them alive.  They're stupid as all hell, but I like that the patterns don't have to be in colors with moths, they're just simple, variations of one color that creates this devious, half hidden design; they're also shimmery (which I don't think is a word), but I'm off subject, where was I?

            Oh right!  Sometimes I like to just sit alone in the dark, where I don't have to smile unless I want to; and yes, sometimes I smile; I'm not completely tragic.  I just like to sit in the dark and think, mostly my thoughts are totally random, but sometimes they're actually applicable to real life.  I have this habit though; I have a tendency to run my tongue across the arteries in my wrists.  I plant my forehead in my palm, and just pretend. I'll imagine that my tongue is a knife, and the warm saliva it leaves behind is the blood that's pumping out behind it.  Like I'm slicing through that firm, thick arterial wall, and leaving the rest to fate.  But the saliva gets cold, and so do I until someone turns the light on behind me, and I'm back to smiling and pretending that I only had a headache.  I guess I'm good at pretending too.     

            It's off to a party, and a night on the town, I'm dodging my responsibilities and trying to be the person everybody likes.  It's not a bad life for all that it's a lie, I enjoy it when I'm there. I love the moments, even if I hate myself when I look back on them. I guess that's all that matters, living for the moments that make my life worth it.  I will always be able to hate myself for something, there will always be my tongue trick, and there will always be the dark.  But being the smiler isn't so bad.  No, not bad at all. 


End file.
